12/11/2019
Cumberland’s Ben Drezek, shown competing in the 3,000-meter steeplechase during a meet last spring for the UMass-Lowell men’s outdoor track and field team, is the Rhode Island high school record holder in the 2,000 and 3,000-meter steeplechases. Drezek recently took part in the NCAA National Cross Country Championships after taking 12th place in the Northeast Regionals in Buffalo, N.Y.
Cumberland native, UMass-Lowell student-athlete opens up about past struggles with mental health
By ERIC BENEVIDES, Valley Breeze Sports Editor
Ben Drezek wants you to know that his junior year at UMass-Lowell has been going quite well.
He wants you to know that his classes are great and his grades are exceptional. He’s probably going to land on the Dean’s List again, and he’s still on track to receive his bachelor’s degree in exercise physiology and continue his education in graduate school.
He wants you to know that this past cross country season with the River Hawks had been an up-and-down one, but he’s coming off the best race of his three-year career – a 12th-place finish at the NCAA Northeast Regionals on Nov. 15 in Buffalo, N.Y. That performance helped him qualify for the biggest collegiate meet in the nation, the prestigious NCAA Championships.
But most importantly, he wants you to know that he’s OK, because for most of his high school and collegiate careers, he wasn’t.
Sure, at Cumberland High, he was one of the school’s best student-athletes – a National Honor Society student who racked up high honors every quarter, as well as All-State and All-New England honors in cross country and track and field and national recognition in the steeplechase event.
However, Drezek privately struggled with mental health issues – basically the unfair pressure and stress that he put on himself to exceed his personal expectations – and those issues actually reached the point where they caused him to do physical harm to himself.
When he graduated from high school in 2017, he thought he also graduated from his problems, but they followed him to his new surroundings – and grew worse.
But after hitting what he believes to be his “rock bottom” during his sophomore indoor track and field season, Drezek acknowledged his issues and sought help.
And what did he realize?
In a feature he wrote this fall for “A.E. Voices”, a forum for America East Conference student-athletes, coaches, and administrators to share their personal stories, Drezek wrote in his first sentence of his piece titled “My Own Worst Critic” that “it’s OK to not be OK.”
“I blamed myself for putting so much stress and pressure on myself,” he later wrote. “I told myself I wouldn’t be my worst critic anymore, but rather my best supporter.”
“I convinced my mind I was done with negative emotions,” he added, “and I bounced back to win an individual America East title, set a new school record, qualify for the NCAA Regional Championships, and even step up as a leader to be elected to the S.A.A.C. (Student-Athlete Advisory Committee) co-president for our university.”
While those accomplishments and his exceptional finish at last month’s regional cross country meet certainly highlighted his year, Drezek knew that he needed to do something else to make 2019 complete. Sharing his story and reminding everyone that “it’s OK to not be OK” was that “something else.”
“I read what other athletes had to say and what they struggled with,” he recalled. “And I asked myself, ‘If they’re ready to open up about it, then why can’t I?’ I thought it would be important to speak up and share my story, and after sharing it, some of my teammates talked to me and shared their stories as well.”
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Drezek’s story begins in another sport – soccer – which he began playing at the age of 5 and still loves to this day. He’s a huge Manchester City fan who watches a lot of games on TV “across the pond” on the weekends, and when he gets the chance, he’ll show his school spirit and attend a River Hawks’ men’s or women’s soccer game – his twin sister, Abby, is a starter on the back line for the women’s team.
Drezek also played soccer at CHS and on a club team until his sophomore year, but “one thing led to another” and playing the game stopped becoming fun. “I was slowly losing my connection to the thing I loved most,” he said in his feature.
He eventually decided to quit both teams, but the following year, he resurfaced on the school’s cross country squad and turned heads in his first informal race, the town’s summer CumberlandFest 5K, by winning it in a time of 16:10.
Drezek eventually went on to make a name for himself in the Northern Division, and at the RIIL championship meet, he earned First-Team All-State honors for the Clippers by taking sixth place in 16:02.6.
“I enjoyed running because when I started it, I was just absolutely good at it,” he said. “I said to myself, ‘OK, this could work out.’ I like running because you could think to yourself, relax, and just basically go with the flow, and originally that helped me. It was good.”
But it eventually wasn’t.
Drezek’s times didn’t measure up to his standards, and he thought he knew why.
“When you look around – even when you watch a big race on TV – everyone is so thin,” he said. “I thought I still had that soccer build; I wasn’t out of shape, but more of it was like, ‘I want to be like them to get better,’ and so that kind of developed.”
“That” was an eating disorder that saw Drezek do anything he could to shed some weight. At times, he skipped lunch at school, and he had “days where I barely consumed 1,000 calories, or exercised more if I felt like I ate way too much.”
“My parents and friends really didn’t notice it,” he said, “so obviously there was no one I could really talk to about it because no one knew exactly what was going on.”
Despite enjoying success in indoor and outdoor track and field, and even finding his calling as a steeplechaser – Drezek is the state record holder in the 2,000 and 3,000-meter events – he felt his mental health worsen and began inflicting minor acts of self-harm to punish himself.
“I was giving myself small cuts, or sometimes even taking a needle and just poking myself,” he quietly noted. “And what I used to do a lot was pull out my eyebrow hair. It was just small little things, and I was just kind of almost impulsively doing it.”
Drezek sought help a few times by visiting the school’s psychologist, and even though he “felt better from time to time,” his emotions “would still get the best of me.” But he soldiered on, tacked on a few more All-State and All-New England honors to his resume, and graduated with an athletic scholarship to UMass-Lowell.
When he picked up his diploma, “I was very relieved,” he said. “Not that high school was bad – Cumberland High School did everything it could for us as students. But it was such a relief to go to college. Just trying to throw most of my stuff in the past, go to college, and basically start over was a huge relief.”
But it eventually wasn’t.
When Drezek arrived at UMass-Lowell, he felt like “the odd man out” with his new teammates and struggled to connect with them. But he soon settled in, and not only did he take 22nd place at that year’s New England Cross Country Championships, but he also enjoyed success in track in the middle distance and steeplechase events.
Still, “there were moments of self-doubt,” especially when he raised his personal expectations for his sophomore year, he added. “A big (moment) happened that year before the first (cross country) race of the season. It wasn’t an important meet, it was just an early shakeout, but I still panicked and freaked out.”
“At that point, it was me and a bunch of freshmen, and I was expected to be the leader of the group and kind of guide the way for them,” Drezek continued. “I knew I was prepared for it, but deep down, I was like, ‘I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this.’”
Drezek’s “rock bottom” came when he was diagnosed with high blood pressure, something that he said was genetic in his family, and placed on a new medication during his sophomore indoor track and field season.
“I should have never been put on it,” he said. “It affected my running and my aerobic capacity. I just couldn’t breathe when I ran. I basically became the worst guy on the team because of my medical situation, and my whole indoor season basically went to waste. At that point, I was just done. I was struggling.”
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Drezek knew he needed help, and he received it from a number of people, starting with his family and continuing with his head coach, Gary Gardner, his teammates, and the school’s staff. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Drezek’s issues didn’t dissipate overnight, but he had what he needed – a ton of support in his corner.
“My teammates were always supportive,” he said. “And I think some of them kind of suspected something, but didn’t say anything. But when I opened up to them, they were super supportive and helpful.”
“And (Gardner) has definitely been a huge help,” Drezek continued. “I have a strong connection with him, and every time something happened, he already knew what to say. I’m much better now, but it took a lot of time to gain that confidence and trust in myself to say, ‘You’re fine.’”
After enjoying an outstanding outdoor season, which saw Drezek set the school’s 3,000-meter steeplechase record in a time of 8:53.77, Drezek had trouble carrying that momentum into this past cross country season, as he toyed with a new medication and started to see a cardiologist to help make sure he was properly dealing with his issues.
But Drezek placed eighth at the America East Championships by touring the 4.97-mile course in a time of 24:16.46, and that set the stage for his amazing performance at the regionals.
Unfortunately for all the runners, they found out two days before the 6.2-mile race that, due to the snow that fell earlier that week in Buffalo, the course, which was on the grounds of the Audubon Golf Club, was deemed unsafe. Race organizers then threw a curveball by moving the course to one that contained mostly pavement and resembled an ordinary road race.
“It was complete chaos,” Drezek said. “We were out there and we weren’t prepared, and two days before the race, we were all out buying new shoes.”
But Drezek shook off the distractions, laced up his new Nike Vaporflys, and turned in a race to remember, as he hung with the lead pack for most of the race and soon set his sights on placing among the top dozen runners, which translated into an automatic berth in the national meet.
“In the last (kilometer), in my head, I’m counting people and I’m like, ‘there’s a real chance that this could happen,’” he recalled. “I saw one of my conference rivals from Stony Brook; he’s right there, and it’s either me or him at this point (as to) who’s going to qualify. I gave it everything I had left and went right past him.”
“And after the race, I was just freaking out. It was huge, and it’s such a cool feeling knowing that you made it. Like my coach says, the hardest part of the NCAAs is qualifying (for them). Once you’re there, you’re there. But the feeling was indescribable. I was just so excited.”
Unfortunately for Drezek, all the magic from the regional meet was nowhere to be found at the following weekend’s nationals in Terre Haute, Ind. He placed 224th in a time of 33:43.6, but instead of feeling down and out over his performance, he took it with a grain of salt.
“Physically, it just kind of took its toll,” he admitted. “I’m not used to running 10Ks and I had to run them on back-to-back weekends. And the day after the race, I struggled to get out of bed. I kind of knew going into the nationals that I wasn’t going to have a great race. It was muddy, it rained, and it was freezing. It definitely wasn’t in my favor, but it was a good experience.”
Sharing his story was an equally good experience.
“Being the S.A.A.C. president at my school and an America East representative, I wanted to be a leader and spread my story,” he said. “Obviously, I talked about it with my parents and my siblings beforehand, but for me, telling everyone my story (through ‘A.E. Voices’) was the best way to share it.”
And how is Drezek doing these days?
“For the most part, I’m pretty much over (my issues) at this point,” he answered with a smile. “I have all the support and the people that I need at school. Even if I do have a small incident when I’m not feeling that great, I always know what to do. Now I don’t really struggle with anything at all.”
Cumberland’s Ben Drezek, shown running in a cross country race for UMass-Lowell, recently took part in the NCAA National Championships after placing 12th in the Northeast Regionals in Buffalo, N.Y.