When a woman is fed up – The Star, Kenya

One of the hardest things to be in an African society that dabbles in a strange religion has to be a separated or divorced woman with children. People just decide things. She must be a prostitute, why else did he leave her? (Like you did not do the leaving) Womenfolk, the good married ones, distance themselves from you; you are a perceived threat. Never mind that you have just left the hot pan, why would you want their fire?

Many hurtful things are said, but I feel the worst is that you did not try hard enough. Listen, very very few women get into a marriage with plans of getting a divorce. Only a woman who has been married, given what she thinks is her all, can understand the desperation a woman on the verge of losing her marriage goes through.

It is a feeling of utter helplessness that can drive you to do strange things in the hope of rectifying your union. I am telling you if someone asked you to eat the bark of a tree, you would. Why do you think these crazy churches are full of grown women calling conmen and women “dad” and “mum”? That desperation to keep your marriage together is a temporary mental illness, if you are lucky.

I say if you are lucky because some women stay in that state. Those are the star clients of the con mums and dads. They are fed a constant supply of conspiracy theories.

“The woman your husband is seeing has strong witchcraft! How else will you explain the fact that he is living with a woman that’s not his child? Pray my sister! Do not sleep; buy this anointing oil and put it in his food; buy this anointed handkerchief and put it in his trouser; bring his picture and a sacrificial offering and watch God bring back your husband!”

I always wonder why women believe God needs all these theatrics to bring back these wayward husbands. It is simple. People do what they want to do. Your crazy rituals are just witchcraft activities. You are no better than the night runners in the village where my children come from.

Once you understand that nothing you do, my sister hear me out, NOTHING you do; not the life-threatening acrobatics in the bedroom; not the food that you cook with organic ingredients and powder from the old single woman from your village; not the crying and threats of killing your children and yourself. Nothing can make a man stay where he does not want. Then and only then do you begin to enjoy your life.

Once you start living your life though, society is not too comfortable with you. I guess society loves women the way the gods love humans. When they are suffering. When you dry your tears, when you remember you have legs and a behind, when you find out that you can dance, when you remember the way to the salon. Aaaah you are now a Jezebel. An evil woman, shameless even. A schemer who could not wait to ‘escape’ from her marriage.

Once a woman moves on, she discovers the joys of peace of mind. But you know these guys, they cannot let you prosper. They now decide the most horrendous things.

“Don’t worry (meanwhile absolutely nobody said you were worried!), he will come back!”

Let me translate what you are being told here. Your ex-husband, giver of headaches and high blood pressure, executor of pain and suffering, after enjoying life. After indulging in worldly pleasures, will one day think to himself, “I’m old and sick, there used to be a heifer that cared for me, let me go back, in fact I will get saved for decoration!”

In short, you will be expected to nurse the mongoose till his dying day. (Remember we like suffering women).

A story is told of an old man in the village who used to faint a lot. When he was taken to hospital, it was discovered that he was actually starving. How? People asked, he had a very healthy wife. Upon closer investigation, it was found that his wife only boiled (attempted to really) dried maize. (Mahanya) The old man had few teeth and therefore could not chew the hard maize hence the starvation. Apparently, in that old man’s heyday, he showed the old woman some tricks. I guess payback is a mother.

Anyway, I just liked that story. I thought you would to.